Becoming Me

Feeling kinda down

ktby — Mon, 27 Jun 2011 02:44:33 +0000

I feel kinda down tonight. I am sitting here for the umpteen night watching damn romance movies. Loneliness can be a real bitch. I do try but it all fails. I am like the one date queen. I guess I am not relationsip material, just a body that men use for thier jollies and move on to their lives and loves.

I am finding it harder and harder not to care for Sir. Seriously, I get fucking estatic over a fucking email. An email doesnt keep me warm at night or kiss me or hug me. But its not like I have any other choices.

Ugh! its pathetic right? To love a man you cant have and never will. Hell one you have never even kissed. Fuck me….

Hugs and Kisses

Good Day

ktby — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 00:36:28 +0000

Worked today but it was slow and not at all stressful. I do so love this job
I got an email from sir today. Its so great to know he is thinking of me. I get a huge smile on my face when I see his name in my inbox.
Got a flat on wed and had to call dad to help me. Spent 103 dollars for a new tire. Ugh!
Well, thats all the excitement in my life.
Hugs and kisses

WTF!

ktby — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 02:54:53 +0000

What a day! Work was good but after sucked! Got a flat tire on the way home. I didnt get home til 9 and I got off at 6. Thank God for Daddy! He is a life saver.

Spent 103 dollars on a new tire. I dont know what I am gonna do about rent. I mean I told my land lord he will get it but its gonna take a couple weeks. But that means no money for other things like food and gas. Fuck me!

Hugs and Kisses to all. I am exhausted and going to bed.

Passed :)

ktby — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 03:13:34 +0000

Passed my drug test today Yippee! I am offical now. Had to buy some clothes today for work but I was luck to find things on sale.

Spent the mornign with mom and then went to take the test. Had to watch the sexuall harassment video though. at least it was better than the others i have seen. Thank god they have realized that the 80s are over.

So here i sit on friday night with nothing to do. Probably gonna spend the weekend cleaning and hanging out with Mom and Dad. Father’s Day is gonna be fun!

Still missing sir though. I do so hate it when he is quiet. I know he has other priorites but sometimes i feel as though i am an afterthought. Which technically I am. Ugh, whatever. I still miss him. I miss being held.

Ok, not gonna go to far down that depressing road. Haha. I have such a boring life.

Hugs and Kisses

Tagged: happy, Sir, work

When it rains..

ktby — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 03:01:33 +0000

So, today I got a call from a dealership I interviewed for almost 2 weeks ago. They want me to come in and fill out the paperwork tomorrow! Yippee! But thats not all. When I got home form my current job I saw a missed call on my cell. I was from a Doctors office I interviewed at last week. They want me to come in for a working interview! I get to shadow someone for 6 hours and see if I can do it. I am so freaking excited!

I want so bad to work at the doctors office but I know that I can handle the car dealership. I know that I will go to the doctors office for the working interview. It just depends on timing and such.

Work kinda sucked today. It takes a special person to work at a call center and I do not think I am the one haha. I mean if it was customer service…HELL YEAH! But this whole audition thing can be very frustrating. So many children call and I get thats what they want but they have to know that with all those hang ups my numbers are gonna suck.

Well, heres hoping for a great day tomorrow. to bad sir will nt email me back. i’d love to be able to tell him everything and find out what he thinks. Amazing how I value his opinion so much.

Hugs and Kisses.

Tagged: Sir, work

It is sad..

ktby — Tue, 14 Jun 2011 02:20:03 +0000

I spent last night tossing and turing with disturbing dreams. That is the last time i go to bed with Becoming Jane in the background. James McAvoy had me move to the UK and when i said i loved him and i was scared in such a new place, he hugged me and then went away. It was most alarming. I like it much better when i dream of things that are never to be or things that could happen. I find dreaming about things that have never happened but I have wanted soo much dishearting. The one that hurt the most was me having a baby with my ex whom I loved very much. We still chat to this day but its harder and harder to listen to him complain about his FIANCE. UGH!
Now when i dream about Sir…that is lovely to wake up to. Of course everything about him is lovely.
today was spent relaxing and watching my favorite movies. Oh, how I love Jane Eyre! I found the BBC version and it is amazing. Of course My all time favorite Mr. Rodchester is William Hurt. And as always…Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy. Oh, Id show Mr. Darcy a thing or two about relaxing.
Oh, I am sorry I am not all slavey today. I promise th next time I am with Sir you will hear all about it.
Hugs and kisses

Ahhh

ktby — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 02:54:32 +0000

Well, today was my second day at work. Not too bad. Lots of talking but it was actually fun. My team leader said I did remarkably well. So I’m happy its going well.
Got an email from Sir today. Its good to hear from him. Makes me feel wanted. Miss him something terrible.
Had another interview today. Just gotta keep plugging away.
Hugs and kisses